The Different Sides of Bing Eating

Hi all! Back again with a bit of insight on my own personal struggles with food and the like. As I write this I am on a flight to Seattle, WA for my aunt’s wedding. I’m so happy for her and I can’t wait to be back in Seattle after so many years. I was a young child the last time I was out there. I took a train up the coast with my grandma and eventually we were joined by my uncle Neil. I may be blending together two trips but I remember it or they fondly.

We rode up the coast and stopped in Oregon to visit some of my grandma’s family. Her mother I believe was from there. We visited this beautiful mansion that belonged to the family of the man who started the Oregonian newspaper. My grandma’s uncle married into the family and she often spent summers there when she was younger. I, in all my childlike wisdom, was convinced the tour guide just had to know this. I still remember her beautiful shy smile as she told the tour guide about it. It was a beautiful trip that ended in Seattle where we had our various little adventures. I could go on about it forever.

But I digress. Forgive me but nostalgia took over for a moment. Anyhow..What triggered the chosen topic was actually my stomach. I haven’t been eating the best of things and I am feeling it. When I eat unhealthy our eat things I’m sensitive to I often feel rather ill. Like now, I had a Jack in the box mushroom swiss butter burger. I am mildly lactose intolerant, so sometimes the butter they use or the cheese disagree with me. Not to mention that I am sensitive to gluten. So my stomach wasn’t happy with the bun either. Add that to the curly fries and coke I gave into and you’ve got a full blown tummy ache.

So therein is the major downfall to my struggle with my own personal version of Bing eating. Yesterday it was a milkshake from the same place that did me in. It left me bloated and miserable. Sometimes I order these things without a second thought to my stomach, my mouth and my emotions take over. Grabbing, grasping for that rush of pleasure that each but brings as I dive into the newest overly salty and greasy concoction that my favorite fast foods restaurant had come up with. And I hate it. Because at the back of my mind I sit telling myself how much I will regret eating that, or that I really don’t need to get that whole meal, fries are unnecessary. And they are. And these thoughts are right.
But still…that pleasure center of the brain always wins out, the hippocampus is it? I forget..I’ll have to look it up. When you are struggling to figure out exactly what makes you truly happy, it is so much easier to default to simple pleasure such as eating. Somehow that seems to overpower the reasonable side of my brain. The side of my brain that wrote my last blog about journaling my foods and using my fitbit (totally forgot to pack it -_-0 and my foods journal).

That side always seems to lose out. I do wonder how much better I’d do if I had someone to hold me accountable, because I obviously lack self control, at least when my emotions are controlling me as they have been as of late. And the funny thing is I really do enjoy cooking healthy things. I had so much fun making zoodles and am actually looking forward to making them as part of a meal. So that they last more than a day.
I think another problem that stems from my emotions, is a feeling that no one cares what I’m doing. I have friends here and there with an encouraging word or two, but nothing consistent. So I start to lose hope and being drifting back to old habits once again, unable to pull myself back up.

So…sorry for another ramble. Feeling super emotional and nostalgic on this trip and our hadn’t even begun. I’ll try to get some more positive posts up. I have some workouts from the newest Shape magazine that I want to try. Perhaps even while on vacation if there’s room. Saturday I’ll definitely kill it. My aunt is going to have contra dancing at her wedding which burns mad calories. I have my hippie skirt packed and ready 🙂

Until next time..Keep making that fat cry!
-A

Keto vs. Atkins

Hey all. Just wanted to stop in and first of all share..that I am down to 266lbs and lost 1% of my body fat. So yaaaay. Now I’m always on the lookout for good, induction-friendly recipes that aren’t complicated to make. I found out today from a classmate, that our other classmate, aside from having her own amazing business with her hubby also has a Keto diet recipe page and book. This gal is amazing and her site Wicked Stuffed (can you tell she is from New England?) is no exception. Everything on there seems to work perfectly with the induction stage of the Atkins diet.

This got me thinking..in Atkins you are trying to reach and stay in a state of Ketosis, that thing that forces your body to burn fat instead of sugars and the like. (I’m making my fat cry internally, mwahahaha), causing rapid weight loss. It almost seems pointless to continue on the Atkins track when I could just stick with a Keto diet. I’m actually not missing bread, pasta, or starches like potatoes. All I can think of is the yucky heavy feeling many of them give me or the addictive eating habits that always come out when I am having some well made pasta.
And what is most bread, but a filler? I mean my burgers and chicken sandwiches have been amazing without bread. I needed no breadcrumbs to make my chicken tenders or the amazing meatloaaf I made last night. I don’t even really like things like mashed potatoes very much. I think I like my dad’s because they have childhood memories attached.

Now homemade bread like my housemate does or like the amazing orange flavored rolls that were made my by a friend of my fiance’s sister-in-law. Like my dad’s mashed potatoes, freshly made bread or unique meals like the burgers cooked inside a puff pastry my kitty sis has made are some of the few exceptions.

So yeah..for now I’m rather enjoying all my cooking and the weight loss. If the job opportunity doesn’t end up work and I continue with my school plan, I will so be taking advantage of the gym and pool there. Even with the majority of my classes being online.

So anyway..Those are my opinion on the two diets. I’m still deciding what I’m going to do, but for now I shall continue on with the Atkins phase 1 and see where that goes. I may or may not continue on to the next stage, depending on how well my weight loss progresses. I believe I read that the Atkins diet phase 1is supposed to get you within 15lbs of your goal and I’m definitely not there yet.

So I hope you are all well and as always, keep making that fat cry!

-A

Diet Success Update

Hey all! Hope you are all doing well on this lovely Thursday morning. I’m doing pretty good, aside from a lovely and painful kink in the center of my back just above the shoulder blades..what a pain. It’s in the one place I can’t seem to stretch out or crack with stretching. Not fun while at work. Well anyhoo just thought I’d give an update on what’s up with me. I am now down 18lbs with only a diet change. I have not started working out yet, but I can only imagine how much my weight loss will skyrocket when I do. I’ve had a few slips here and there. I had a wedding to go to and a party. I did really well for the most part. Due to the slips I’ve ended up extending the Phase one of my Atkins Journey. Doesn’t bother me though. I’ve been enjoying my morning omelet and occasion (who are we kidding it’s bacon lol). I have to say that this diet is a heck of a lot easier for me to follow then Weightwatchers was (and much cheaper). I feel like this diet better suits me in my current profession and level of fitness. I want to be more active but I’m not the walk around the building on my break kind of person.

Weightwatcher’s worked wonders for me back when I worked at the zoo, because I got exercise without even thinking about it. I was on my feet in the sun all day and I would often wander through the zoo after work taking pictures. It was a lot of fun. I miss working there at times. It was like the fat melted away, I dropped like 40lbs with barely a gym visit. I am hoping to find something that isn’t expensive and doesn’t feel like exercise. I’d love to do some sort of dance, like adult ballet and the like. I’d love to try the aerial workouts too once I get down below 260. At this rate, that doesn’t seem too far off. That definitely makes me happy. I’m going to stay on phase one for now because it seems to be working really well. They also say in the instructions for the diet that you generally will stay in the induction until you are 15lbs away from your goal weight. So we will see what happens.

I hope you all are following my instagram and twitter, I’ve been posting some of my yummy foods I’ve been cooking. LIke this Lime chicken that was to die for! I’m having it in a salad today. Can’t wait for lunch. If you would like me to start posting recipes/pictures here as well give me a like or comment below to let me know.

Well I am off. Hope all you are doing well and as always, keep making that fat cry!

-Aubrey (or Brey as a few of my friends have taken to calling me)

Cooking and Job Hunting

Hi All! So..I hope my last post wasn’t too much of a downer. I was feeling a bit low that day and I wanted to let out that ramble. It was actually rather cathartic to do so. I still get mood swings like that and I plan on doing something about that once I figure out the who insurance issue. This is the first time I’ve ever gone so long without insurance and it’s frustrating. I’ve been off any sort of depression or anxiety medication for a number of months. Now before anyone starts to worry..I am fine in that respect. The worst I deal with are days like the 20th when I went on that ramble.
I’m well past the stage in my depression where I sat in a dark room playing candy crush and sleeping for hours on end. I’m in a much better place now, with wonderful people who are always there for me..no matter how much of a pain in the ass I am. I love you guys ❤

Anyhow..so I’ve been doing some yummy cooking. I’ve done stirfry and chicken, baked and pan-friend. I even made my own cauliflower tortillas with taco beef. Yum! I’ve been posting details about those and pictures of the food. So if you want any of the recipes, just comment and I’ll be sure to share them. 🙂 Contrary to what that last blog might make you think, I have been feeling better about myself. I’ve already done a before picture and in another week or so I’ll take a new picture to compare them. I’m waiting until the end of next week to do measurements again.
Also..I’ve decided that I want to stay on the induction stage of Atkins for a bit longer. I’ve had some cheat days and I want to make absolutely sure that I lose as much as I can between now and when I get to start using the gym. I’m not sure I’ve quite reached ketosis yet because of the cheat days. Also..tried drinking a diet Dr. Pepper last night for the first time in awhile and it was yucky. So I am good with no more soda. Even juices sound like they’d be too sickeningly sweet.

Alright..next order of business. So..I met up with a lady who is in charge of a company that does home care for disabled children. I need another job and it would definitely fit with what I will be going to school for in the fall. Now here comes the other little Wrench in my plans..at least I hope it’s a potential wrench..because it’s a wrench I wouldn’t mind changing my plans for. What am I talking about you ask? Well..they have just opened up the travel advisor classes with American Express. 11 weeks of hardcore travel training and the opportunity to help people plan their trips to just about everywhere. If I were to get into this program it would not only be following another passion I have (because I’ve discovered I do have passions, even if they like to hide themselves away at times) but I would be finding something more stable. Amex is an amazing company with benefits and a wide variety of opportunity. I’m not religious but I pray to whatever God, gods or goddess that are there that I at least have the opportunity to get into this job. It would be hard, I know it would but it would be something for me to get excited about. And every day I’d be helping people plan small trips or even the trip of a lifetime. Not to mention the travel benefits.

I’m trying not to get too excited but..I really want this job. Don’t get me wrong..I still would love to do things to help other. I can volunteer to do that. But this type of position would do so much for me. I miss the stability I had started to develope before my uncle passed away. I may not have liked my job, but Verizon Wireless was a good company to work for and it gave me the stability I needed to not completely fall apart. I still fell apart..but not completely lol. Anyway..so keep me in your thoughts/prayers and what not..because if I have a chance at getting into this position it would take so much weight off my back (while the diet took the weight off elsewhere lol)

Anyhow..hope you are all doing well and like I always say..keep making that fat cry!

-Aubrey

A Ramble About My Self Confidence (Or lack there of)

So sorry for the lack of un update on the whole dieting thing but I assure you it is going rather well. You’ve probably noticed I have been updated my weight regularly over there on the side of my page. I haven’t measured myself again yet but I will be doing that at the end of this week for maximum confidence boosting lol.
Well anyway..I’m not here to talk about that. You’ll forgive me if this is a bit of a ramble but there have been a number of confidence related thoughts that have crossed my mind lately. Now I will be the first to say, that my confidence is not all that high and for the most part nothing anyone does or says can really help that. I have friends and loved ones that are nothing but supportive. It doesn’t really matter though. There are very few people whose opinions about me are enough to cut through the layers of anxiety and low self-worth to truly make me feel better about myself. That is at no fault of their own. It’s just the way that I am.

My uncle was one of those rare people who I truly respected the opinion of. I always felt so confident and happy when I went out with him and he always knew how to make me feel amazing about myself. He did it without even trying. Perhaps that was another reason, if a selfish one, that his death hit me as hard as it did. I have a lot of trouble feeling as though I am worth anything. I know that seems harsh but it’s honestly the way that I feel. These feelings can effect so many things. I have trouble writing cover letters, because I feel as though I’m lying if I talk myself up. I have trouble keeping in touch with people because I selfishly feel that if I were worth their time and energy, they would be contacting me. Which is silly because friendship is a two way street. And self loathing..is a double edged sword, cutting you in more ways than one.
I buy clothes that I look amazing in at the store..but then I lack the confidence to wear them in public because I feel as though I am not doing them justice. I constantly compare myself to others and end up feeling resentful, envious and jealous. I feel as though I have no natural skills to speak of, save singing and even then I can easily be shot down. Even the burst of confidence I get singing a song well can be shattered by one badly sung song or by the envy of another who is singing better than me. I also have a habit of eating my emotions and have greatly paid for that with my current weight which makes me even less likely to wear any of the forementioned clothes because they no longer fit.
I can’t take constructive critisism because my brain takes it as a personal attack and I feel as though I am horrible because I can’t do anything right. Even at my captioning job, I often fall apart when I do badly on a test call, because every test call I do badly on, takes me one step away from any chance of getting a full time position here and I need that work, though I’m looking at other options. I have so much trouble looking at people who are confident with themselves and envy the attention they get for it. I want to be the center of attention but it utterly terrifies me because no matter how much I love the attention it overwhelms me and I don’t feel like I deserve it. I hate to be ignored and will often “dissapear” just to see if anyone will even notice that I’ve gone. If no one notices, in my mind that further shows how worthless I am. I can’t take compliments_at all_and it drives me crazy when I feel under appreciated. I feel as though I deseve the attention gained by having done something that a person should appreciate and often take it personally or lash out at people which can further alienate me and put me..once again in the position of feeling like a horrible person.

See how easy it is to talk down about myself? I only wish I knew how to turn these thoughts around. It’s like a constant tug-o-war in my head. The two sides fighting for whether I am “worthy” or not. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for the people I love in my life, those who notice it that is..anyway..I did warn that it was a ramble. A lot of the above is probably depression related but much of it is simply engrained in me and I don’t know how to change that. I really don’t. Perhaps losing the weight is a start..but we will see. Sorry for the rant..but..I did warn you. Thank you..for letting me ramble.

*we now return to your regularely scheduled and more positive program*

Low Carb Layla: Side Dish

Loving this gal’s recipes and a good portion of them are induction friendly. Made her cheesy baked chicken and sauteed mushrooms. So yummy. Btw…down to 272. 😀

http://lowcarblayla.blogspot.com/?m=1

Beginning the Atkins Diet and Current Weight

Hi all! So as you know from my previous post I am now starting the Atkins diet. And let me tell you, I am so much happier on this diet than I was on the cleanse. But then, the cleanse was not meant for long term use. It really helped me clear out some of my cravings for things like soda and even fast food. I have been drinking only water since I did the cleanse and I am not missing the sugary sweetness of other drinks at all. Even 100% apple juice sounds way too sweet for me. I may look into some Dasani seltzer water today at work, just to change it up. But only if it fits in the parameters of my diet. Also…I never realized how absolutely horrid Nerds are. And how empty. I was looking at the box yesterday and they seriously consider a serving size 3 pieces…3 PIECES. That’s not even close to the amount of nerds I would eat in one sitting. It’s also 60 calories per serving and like 14 carbs. I could use up all my carbs in less than a box of nerds. Crazy right?

Anyway, so I have been on the Atkins diet for about 2 days now, I’m on my third, and I am rather pleased with how it is going. I don’t feel deprived at all and I am full for a lot longer than normal. I will admit that I went a little crazy with their bacon wrapped asparagus yesterday..but hey..I’m allowed to make mistakes, right? If I make that again I will just stick to making one serving, instead of getting in my head that I’m actually going to save any for someone else lol. No one was coming home for an hour, there was no way those asparagus spears were coming out of this unscathed. Lol. I’ve had a lot of fun with cooking the past couple days. I made that, plus, I made a Quiche the other day which is serving me for breakfast and lunch today because I didn’t feel like cooking anything extra yesterday. Also..I didn’t want any of it to go to waste. I also made this delicious “fried rice”. I was actually made out of ground beef but it was so good. It had tomatoes and green onions, soy sauce, peanut butter. Well..I imagine it’s easier to just check out yourself. I’ve linked it below.

Last..but not least..my weight. I will be putting a listing of my measurements on the side once I get around to measuring more than just my weight. I really need to, so I can track how many “inches” I’ve lost. So last month I weighed myself on June 14th and I was at 285. I was beside myself with feelings of anxiety and low self worth. I just weighed myself yesterday and somehow, between then and now, with the cleanse and now Atkins, I have gone down to 277.1. So go me lol. Down 8 pounds and I was only trying for 9 days of that. Not bad..not bad at all. Alright..so that’s my update, I have included the recipes for what I’ve made this week below (minus the asparagus, I am not about to tempt myself with that again). The quiche is not the exact recipe but it was as close as I could find to the book I got it from. Thank you all so much for sticking with me, and as always..keep making that fat cry!

 

-Aubrey

Ground Beef “Fried Rice”

Spinach Bacon and Swiss Quiche

9 Day Cleans Days 3-6

Hi all! So I just wanted to stop by and give a quick update on how I am doing. If you haven’t watched my video on youtube you should definitely check it out. Link to my youtube page is to the left. I was surprisingly not as whiny as I thought I would be. So far…the hardest part for me has been the cleanse days. I will admit I ended up cheating a bit on those days but I still kept it relatively low calorie. I mean on cleanse days..the cleanse drink and the snacks only add up to like 300 calories for the day. So I faltered a bit. I am confirdent I won’t have as much trouble on my last 2 cleanse days this weekened. I ended up adding some new snack options to my selection. Isagenix has thes Whey thins that I got in BBQ flavor. They are pretty good. I also got some of their dark chocolate isa delights. They are basically pieces of chocolate with green tea in them. 2 of them are only 60 calories and they are a great way to keep up my blood sugar. All in all I have done pretty well with this diet. While I have not been as strict as I should be with it, I am still getting a great benefit from it. It is helping me reduce my calorie intake, pay more attention to things, I have stopped drinking soda because of it, (even when I go to karaoke) and in general I am feeling the mood boost that often happenes when you start to take better care of yourself.

I am looking forward to some of my pants fitting a bit better and also..to be able to wear my engagement ring again. My fingers have been swollen or something..so I haven’t been able to wear it without risk of getting it stuck. Incidentally..that happened yesterday and my finger decided to swell up even more when I was trying to get it off. I had to do thew whole dental floss method of getting it off and it hurt like a bitch. My finger is still a bit swollen. Needless to say I will not be wearing any rings for awhile, until i get my weight down. I imagin with fingers it’s more water weight. Whatever it is..I hate not being able to show off my engagment ring and the rings he and my boyfriend gave me. I don’t even feel like wearing jewelry anymore most of the time. I also have a lovely pearl necklace that tends to fall off because thew chubbyness about my neck pushes the clasp apart if I tip my head back even the slightest. So yeah..irritating.

Back to healthy stuff. I am also using a site called Loseit.com so that my boyfriend (yes..who is different from my fiance) can help keep me on track and also so he can work on his weight too. I am also hoping to find my fitbit soon so I am starting to track on their site too. I have the wifi enabled  scale that uploads my weight directly to the site. So it’s pretty nifty. Well..that’s about it. I’ll be taking measurements tonightand posting them to the left so that I can keep track of them.

Well as always..keep making that fat cry, and have a Happy 4th of July!

 

-Aubrey

9 Day Cleanse Day 1

Ok, so technically it’s day 3, but the first 2 days are just to prepare you for your first cleanse day. So this is my first cleanse day. So far I’m doing good. A little weaker..but that was to be expected. It’s my day off so I am doing pretty much nothing except resting and working on getting a couple of videos up.

I will say that I am so craving something yummy. So I’m hungry but I think it’s my my taste buds missing the flavor.  I can’t wait until Thursday because it’s a shake day and I can have a 4-500 calorie meal for dinner or lunch.  My housemate…she makes the best food stuffs. Moogle I hope you are cooking on Thursday because I will eat the heck out of that food.  Om nom nom.
So yeah..I think I’m doing pretty good. I have to figure out how to work out the cleanse at work tomorrow but I’m sure I’ll get it. I already warned my supervisor of my impending grumpiness lol. So she’s prepared. Luckily I did my test call yesterday. So it won’t be effected by my self-motivated starvation lol. Jk jk.

I will definitely keep you guys updated. I may do an end of the day video if I can actually get my videos uploaded. I had to reinstall some stuff on my computer so I’m trying to get it back the way I want it. It’s taking forever -_-0

Well alright guys, until next time, keep making that fat cry!

-A

Isagenics and a Mystery Dinner

Hi all! So I have made a tough decision that I am hoping will make the Atkins diet seem like a breeze. I don’t know how many of you have heard of the company Isagenix. Well my girlfriend works for them and she turned me on to their different programs. I can’t really afford a full month supply at the moment, so I am doing a 9 day cleanse to sort of kick start my atkins diet. I am now on day two and so far, I have only cheated once. lol. So, just to give you an idea of what this cleanse is all about..what you do, is you have some days that are days where you replace two meals with a shake, take 2 of these accelerator pills that are supposed to boost your metabolism, then you have one meal that is 4-500 calories. There are also little snack things you can get like these we’rd tablet things and chocolate with green tea in it. It’s all pretty good. I was a little surprised that the tablet things tasted better than expected. Anyway..so those are a typical shake day.

Now tomorrow, that is the day that I am dreading. I am not working tomorrow, which I timed well I might add. So I will havew a whole day to deal with the whole cleansing thing. It looks to be a bit rigerous and I will probably have to bring things with me to work when I am there Wednesday. Should be quite an interesting time. I have cheated once so far, but I stuck to a low calorie, low carb snack of beef jerky. My stomach apparently isn’t a fan. Mayhaps I’ll look into turkey jerky after I’m done with the cleanse. It tastes so much better. Sorry..getting off track there with thoughts of food. Pinterest and facebook have definitely not been my friends so far. Anyhow..the way a cleanse day works is you start out with the cleanse drink in the morning, mid morning snack, late morning cleanse 2 happens, early afternoon snack, midafternoon more of the cleanse, early evening snack, and a final cleanse. There is a list of the special snack they have, including those tablet things. They even ahve their own energy drink. So that’s cool. I have included links below as I am not the best at describing this cleanse lol.

Isagenix 9 Day Cleanse
9 Day Cleanse Guidelines

Alrighty..so that’s what’s up with my diet. I will probably be doing more frequent videos to whine and complain about the cleanse..but we will see lol. Another fun thing that I did this past weekened. Was a murder myster dinner sort of thing. It was a friend’s 25th birthday and it was quite a lot of fun. It was your typical Millionaire has been murdered, relatives and loved ones all gather for the will reading. Another murder happens. it was pretty fun and I definitely recommend it if you haven’t tried it. Who knows..maybe I’ll actually do a birthday party next year, sicne I didn’t really do a party for my big 30th birthday. We will see.

That’s it for now, I will keep you all updated on how my cleanse is going.

Until next time, keep making that fat cry!

-A